The Better Think Twice Issue
December 2007
- Escalator TV huge hit with hungry students
- Anti-immigration politician admits love of Mexican food
- Congress asks America to just take a nap
- The new face (meat) of Carolina Dining Services
What This Family Needs Is Some Christmas Spirit
What This Family Needs is a Gourmet Holiday Cheeseball
- Washing her hair (58%)
- Curling her hair (10.7%)
- Primping her hair (18%)
- Drying her hair (3%)
- Fixing her hair for her goldfish's funeral (4%)
- Cutting her hair (3.3%)
December 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Chapel Hill - Desert Planet
- Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah
- My only other gay friend
would be perfect for you!
- Kanye West disowns hip hop, embraces emo
- Tea drinker burns tongue on first sip, ruins whole cup
- New, experimental taste of southern
hospitality squeezes into kitchens
- Unsustainability dorm in the works
- How the Chinese stole Christmas
- Ask Alli
- Old board games promote violence
- Guitar Hero leads to injuries
- BoUNCe explains 2007: A letter from the editor. Listen to me! I'm Clayton!
- B-ball players given new nicknames
- Gardening with Nora again... Today's flower: Wisteria frutescens
- Mitt Romney clones himself
- The "South Campus" Diet
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- PostSecret
The holidays are certainly an exciting time to be a gardener! As you use the bounty of your garden to make countless casseroles and jars of traditional holiday fare which your grandchildren will mistake for moonshine (which, remember, should be kept in the cellar under the lawn darts!), keep in mind these few very important tips for getting the most out of your fall through the magic of gardening.
As with any vegetable, it is advisable that you build a large fence around your winter squash so that the poor people from the trailer park down the road will be discouraged from stealing them. Unlike in "Peter Rabbit," it is illegal to make meat-pies out of them, as my grandmother discovered many years ago during the Depression. In case your poor folk are particularly tenacious or just plain uppity, place "Ron Paul 2008" signs in your front yard to intimidate them from entering with promises of a return to the gold standard and an end to their ill-begotten welfare benefits.
You have certainly encountered troubles dealing with our recent drought, as water is essential for most any garden: hooch, herb, or "otherwise!" You should keep in mind, though, that your husband is not a gardener and that beer is a poor substitute for water. The septic tank from your RV trailer should do a much better job. In the case that you are one of the unlucky few without an "old folk's home" (as we like to call ours!), hooking your hose up to your neighbor's house works like a charm. It will also free up lots of gardening space after they are arrested for multiple water use violations!