The Better Think Twice Issue
- Escalator TV huge hit with hungry students
- Anti-immigration politician admits love of Mexican food
- Congress asks America to just take a nap
- The new face (meat) of Carolina Dining Services
What This Family Needs Is Some Christmas Spirit
What This Family Needs is a Gourmet Holiday Cheeseball
- Washing her hair (58%)
- Curling her hair (10.7%)
- Primping her hair (18%)
- Drying her hair (3%)
- Fixing her hair for her goldfish's funeral (4%)
- Cutting her hair (3.3%)
December 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Chapel Hill - Desert Planet
- Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah
- My only other gay friend
would be perfect for you!
- Kanye West disowns hip hop, embraces emo
- Tea drinker burns tongue on first sip, ruins whole cup
- New, experimental taste of southern
hospitality squeezes into kitchens
- Unsustainability dorm in the works
- How the Chinese stole Christmas
- Ask Alli
- Old board games promote violence
- Guitar Hero leads to injuries
- BoUNCe explains 2007: A letter from the editor. Listen to me! I'm Clayton!
- B-ball players given new nicknames
- Gardening with Nora again... Today's flower: Wisteria frutescens
- Mitt Romney clones himself
- The "South Campus" Diet
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
In a controversial move that many derided as "a cheap political stunt," presidential candidate Mitt Romney made a genetically identical copy of himself Tuesday through the human cloning company Clonaid.
"I'm unstoppable now!" Mitt Romney 1.0 told BoUNCe, shaking his fist in triumph. "Now I can appeal to every voting block at the same time. I'll rein in the conservatives, and Romney 2.0 will take care of the liberals and moderates. I can have it both ways with every issue!"
Romney 2.0 added, "I think human cloning is unethical."
Mitt Romney first approached Clonaid in September, concerned about slumping poll numbers. Upon his arrival at Clonaid's headquarters in South Korea, Romney selected his clone's desired political views using a computer program. After, Romney decided that his clone would be a liberal gay atheist fluent in Spanish and Arabic. Clonaid technicians used somatic cell nuclear transfers to create a Romney-embryo, which they then grew to adulthood using a device known as RMX 2010.
"I can't wait to share my love of abortion and gun control with the world!" Romney 2.0 told BoUNCe in Arabic while strapping on bondage gear. "But first I'm on my way to the Mexico City Gay and Lesbian Film Festival and Bible- Burning Convention."
Romney has pulled ahead of Rudy Giuliani in the polls since successfully replicating himself. "Mitt Romney represents all of my values," said Sarah Finkelstein, a Democrat from New York City. "He's liberal, he's tolerant, he's prochoice, and he supports gay rights. He's got it all. But God help us if that right-wing nutjob Mitt Romney ever gets elected."
"So far, this whole cloning thing has been great to me," the original Mitt Romney told BoUNCe.
"I'm thinking of making some new clones, so I can capture every voting niche: Jewish Romney, Libertarian Romney, Pedophile Romney (to get the NAMBLA vote), and I-Can't-Believe-It's- Not-Romney, who will be slightly less tasty than me, but better for you."