The Better Think Twice Issue
December 2007
- Escalator TV huge hit with hungry students
- Anti-immigration politician admits love of Mexican food
- Congress asks America to just take a nap
- The new face (meat) of Carolina Dining Services
What This Family Needs Is Some Christmas Spirit
What This Family Needs is a Gourmet Holiday Cheeseball
- Washing her hair (58%)
- Curling her hair (10.7%)
- Primping her hair (18%)
- Drying her hair (3%)
- Fixing her hair for her goldfish's funeral (4%)
- Cutting her hair (3.3%)
December 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Chapel Hill - Desert Planet
- Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah
- My only other gay friend
would be perfect for you!
- Kanye West disowns hip hop, embraces emo
- Tea drinker burns tongue on first sip, ruins whole cup
- New, experimental taste of southern
hospitality squeezes into kitchens
- Unsustainability dorm in the works
- How the Chinese stole Christmas
- Ask Alli
- Old board games promote violence
- Guitar Hero leads to injuries
- BoUNCe explains 2007: A letter from the editor. Listen to me! I'm Clayton!
- B-ball players given new nicknames
- Gardening with Nora again... Today's flower: Wisteria frutescens
- Mitt Romney clones himself
- The "South Campus" Diet
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- PostSecret
An adventurous and experimental new sauce has invasively pushed its way into grocery store spice shelves across the country, giving an eye-popping new meaning to the term "Dirty South." This new condiment, brewed deep in the foothills of rural Kentucky from a generations-old recipe, is boasted to have the power to make anything palatable. This new flavoring, candidly called "Kentucky Jelly," has stretched the whole of the culinary world's preconceived ideas about backwoods bistro. Marketing experts were troubled at first that the home-schooled bumpkins brewing the blend couldn't spell the name of their own state, resorting to using the abbreviation "KY" on the labels. Consumers, however, were unfazed.
"I never thought I would have liked it," mentions Montana resident Carol Epstein, "I mean, I'm not the adventurous type at all. But when my husband came home with a bottle of Kentucky Jelly, begging me to try it just once, I was surprised that it really wasn't that painful at all!"
The TV ad spots for the jelly boast the many possibilities. "From sausages and hot dogs to bananas and popsicles, a little Kentucky Jelly® is all it takes to help it go down easy!"
Positive reviews of the new celebrity seasoning have been widespread. "As you might guess," explains housewife Amelia Kernan, "After being married for twenty years, things tend to get a little dull in the kitchen. That all turned around when we started using Kentucky Jelly. It brought some excitement into our lives. With this slippery stuff, you can do amazing things with sausage! More than that, it's so good you can use it on things you never would have even thought of as food! Just last night we went through half a bottle experimenting with stuff like grapes, lemons, a baseball bat, Hot Wheels® cars, live gerbilshonestly, with enough Kentucky Jelly, you can take on just about anything!"