The Better Think Twice Issue
December 2007
- Escalator TV huge hit with hungry students
- Anti-immigration politician admits love of Mexican food
- Congress asks America to just take a nap
- The new face (meat) of Carolina Dining Services
What This Family Needs Is Some Christmas Spirit
What This Family Needs is a Gourmet Holiday Cheeseball
- Washing her hair (58%)
- Curling her hair (10.7%)
- Primping her hair (18%)
- Drying her hair (3%)
- Fixing her hair for her goldfish's funeral (4%)
- Cutting her hair (3.3%)
December 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Chapel Hill - Desert Planet
- Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah
- My only other gay friend
would be perfect for you!
- Kanye West disowns hip hop, embraces emo
- Tea drinker burns tongue on first sip, ruins whole cup
- New, experimental taste of southern
hospitality squeezes into kitchens
- Unsustainability dorm in the works
- How the Chinese stole Christmas
- Ask Alli
- Old board games promote violence
- Guitar Hero leads to injuries
- BoUNCe explains 2007: A letter from the editor. Listen to me! I'm Clayton!
- B-ball players given new nicknames
- Gardening with Nora again... Today's flower: Wisteria frutescens
- Mitt Romney clones himself
- The "South Campus" Diet
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- PostSecret
Every kid down in America liked Christmas a lot. But the Chinese, as evidenced by the recent widespread recalls of children's toys due to lead content, did not.
"We are very concerned about the possibility of lead poisoning," said consumer safety advocate Cindy Lou Lupeford. "No one is quite sure why China's safety laws are so lax. It could be perhaps that their shoes are too tight. But, I feel that the most likely reason of all could be that their economy is three sizes too small."
But whatever the reason, their economy or their shoes, the recalls are bound to make Christmas shopping problematic for worried parents.
"I am obviously afraid to buy Chinese products," said mother Betty Sue Blifferstein. "But if the kids don't get the presents on their lists, I know just what they'll do. They will all cry boo-hoo."
"Where are your Christmas toys? Why can't I find them?" said Grace Mound.
"Still, I wouldn't touch those toys with a 39 ½ foot pole," Mound added. "Not even for the last can of Who-Hash at Harris Teeter."
Surprisingly, some individuals are viewing the recalls as a blessing in disguise.
"By not buying expensive toys, this may be the perfect way to show the kids that Christmas doesn't come from a store," said Pastor Max von Mullinming. "That Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. . . ."
"Aw, who am I kidding?" von Mullinming continued. "This is a disaster. You're a mean one, Chinese Board of Product Testing."
A documentary movie of the events is already in the planning by director Ron Howard. He says his vision for the movie involves a lot of make up and bastardizing the actual events. Bobcat Goldthwait is set to narrate.
In a related note, a large shipment of Roast Beast imported from China was recalled under suspicion of E.coli contamination.