The Better Think Twice Issue
December 2007
- Escalator TV huge hit with hungry students
- Anti-immigration politician admits love of Mexican food
- Congress asks America to just take a nap
- The new face (meat) of Carolina Dining Services
What This Family Needs Is Some Christmas Spirit
What This Family Needs is a Gourmet Holiday Cheeseball
- Washing her hair (58%)
- Curling her hair (10.7%)
- Primping her hair (18%)
- Drying her hair (3%)
- Fixing her hair for her goldfish's funeral (4%)
- Cutting her hair (3.3%)
December 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Chapel Hill - Desert Planet
- Top Ten Ways to Celebrate Hanukkah
- My only other gay friend
would be perfect for you!
- Kanye West disowns hip hop, embraces emo
- Tea drinker burns tongue on first sip, ruins whole cup
- New, experimental taste of southern
hospitality squeezes into kitchens
- Unsustainability dorm in the works
- How the Chinese stole Christmas
- Ask Alli
- Old board games promote violence
- Guitar Hero leads to injuries
- BoUNCe explains 2007: A letter from the editor. Listen to me! I'm Clayton!
- B-ball players given new nicknames
- Gardening with Nora again... Today's flower: Wisteria frutescens
- Mitt Romney clones himself
- The "South Campus" Diet
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- PostSecret
Tragedy struck this week when Josh Simms became caught up in the moment and attempted to crowd surf after a perfect Guitar Hero performance of Dragonforce's "Through the Fire and Flames" on expert mode. Unfortunately, this resulted in Josh launching himself face-first into the television and sustaining multiple lacerations and electrical burns.
Josh, a sophomore at UT, explained, "It was awesome, I played the last few notes perfectly, and my friends were freaking out and the crowd was going wild and I just got caught up in the excitement and launched myself out there, and the next thing I know my friend Dave is like ‘Dude, your hair's on fire' and then it gets fuzzy again…"
Regrettably, incidents like Josh's are becoming increasingly common as the popularity of the sim-guitar franchise grows. Reports are coming in from all over the nation of Guitar Hero-related mayhem, from people smashing their guitar-shaped controllers on the ground and demanding replacements, to students throwing their TVs out the window while screaming "The Who, The Who!" Even Josh's illfated crowd surfing has been repeated by several other delusional gamers.
Many cases have also been reported by players of the new simulated instrument game Rock Band. Lead guitarists have threatened to go solo, while the singers have been arguing over the artistic direction of the band. Needless to say, the drummers were high.
In a press release, Activision, the maker of Guitar Hero said, "We know it's fun, but it isn't a real guitar, and you're not really a guitar god. Honestly, you're not as awesome as you think, so please don't do stupid things and sue us. Try getting a real guitar, maybe going outside more; this really isn't our fault…" Meanwhile, the delusions continue to sweep the nation while friends, relatives, and a growing number of irritated paramedics pray for an end.