By Manish Dayal
In this current issue of Bounce, staff writer, Manish Dayal, wrote an article (see: Potter Put on Probation; Dumbledore Dumbfounded) about Harry Potter and the mythical school of Hogwarts. Dayal failed to realize that Bounce is a university publication read by his fellow female classmates. In as few as 353 words many feel that Dayal has secured his virginity for the rest of his life.
One of Dayal's friends, John Gardner said, "Well I mean, have you read the article? He shows that he knows way too much about Harry Potter. I mean I know that many people read it but he remembers all the names. I mean does he know it is fiction. We are in college, it is really not a cool thing to do. I can't imagine a girl wanting to get up with him because he wrote about steroids in Hogwarts. I mean just listen to the names, Dumbledore, Draco, Hogwarts, Quidditch, what is that?!?! Sounds like anal problems. He just screwed himself royally."
Gardner then muttered, "Unless he's gay."
Dayal's roommate Jase Morris explained, "Well first of all, the whole article is just sad. I mean I haven't read Harry Potter and after trying to read what he wrote, there is no way in hell I am going to. See, I understand that Bounce is supposed to be a humorous magazine, but his article isn't even funny. I mean with that article he did two things. Establish his nerdiness and his complete lack of humor. I mean some girls want "nerdy" guys, but you don't see any girl who wants a nerd who isn't funny, or doesn't have a big tallywacker. Not to mention he is also pretty ugly. I mean he is my roommate, but he did it to himself."
Manish Dayal could not be reached for comment because he is currently camping out in line at Barnes and Noble for the new Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, coming out July 16, 2005. People around him are currently keeping a minimum three foot distance because of the complete absence of personal hygiene while in line. That, or he died a month ago from lack of food and water and no one has bothered to notice.