By John Musci
Greg Steagull's story is one of ironic tragedy. Not more than a month away from graduation, Steagull took the University-required swim examination at Bowman-Grey pool and did not receive a passing grade. Friends of Steagull were shocked by news of his performance, remarking that flunking a test "wasn't Steagull's cup of meat." Lifeguard and swim test administrator Chad Burgess claimed it was evident that Steagull had not adequately prepared for the examination.
"I could tell right away that he had been cramming a few hours before, probably in that fountain outside Bynum. His lobster swim-trunks were still wet, and he had two sets of rubber ducky water wings. I knew he wasn't up to the challenge," said Burgess.
Regardless, Steagull took the test. Early on, Steagull showed signs of anxiety, from disruptive outbursts to distracting arm motions. A fellow student attests that Steagull, in his desperation, actually tried to solicit assistance from other test-takers.
"He kept saying 'Help me, Help me' and I was like 'No way, that's cheating. The honor code says no unauthorized aid on tests,'" Laurie Santana said.
Some students feel that the rigor of the infamous, dreaded swim test is enough to make even its most principled participants breach the honor code. The test's devisers argue that species of lesser intelligence than most Carolina students, including dolphins, clown fish, and kelp, have relative ease obtaining a perfect score on the exam. Additionally, Burgess admits to being a lenient proctor, especially in the case of Steagull.
"I gave him three hours to complete the test - a full two hours and twenty-five minutes after he decided he wanted to go play on the bottom of the pool," Burgess said, "This was after he practically wanted me to get in the water and take the test with him."
Steagull's friends and family members have suggested that he be given an honorary passing grade, in lieu of his drowning. Margaret Jablonski, Vice Chancellor for Student Affairs, warned that such a practice would set a poor precedent for the assessment of tests in other departments.
"We are an institution that encourages excellence, which means accountability. Students need to know that they are being fairly evaluated. As the saying goes, 'you reap what you sow' and also, 'people in glass houses shouldn't sink ships.'"
There is no indication whether or not Steagull will appeal the grade.