I Can't Believe We're Graduating
By Daniel Browning

All I have to say is, "Four long years!" For four long years I have toiled and worked so hard for this diploma. I've had so many great friends and experiences along the way. It's been such a great journey, and I have learned so much. Did you know that the Wheel was build in 3000 B.C. by the Sumerians? I didn't know that until I came to college. I'm so full of such wonderful facts that I've learned here. I'm sad to let it all go, but on to bigger and better things. I've already been accepted to Grad school and will be making a professional career as a nuclear physicist. I'm so excited for the future, yet somber about leaving college.

I remember the long hours spent in the library studying for the never-ending barrage of exams, yet I cannot wait for more long hours that are going to be spent in the library writing dissertations. It seemed like just yesterday I was moving into the homely freshman dorms. I just can't believe that it's my last year here and that I'm finally gonna be out on my own in the real world.

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter
By Fabio

No. I cannot accept this. This cannot be butter. I took a glob of this heavenly yellow stuff, which I was under the impression was butter, and tasted it. It even tasted like butter. But they tricked me. This is not butter. It cannot be. I have been shamed. I looked on the plastic tub as it glistened in the sunlight through the morning dew, and alas, it was not butter. I am so happy that it has 5 percent less fat than butter, but I am sad that it is not butter. I remember long hours of making love on the kitchen table next to the beautiful tub of butter, but forsooth, it will never be the same. It seemed like just yesterday when dear Yanni was milking the cow and churning our butter by hand, but dear Yanni is dead now, and I must go to the supermarket for my butter. Poor Yanni, I could not save you from that peach pit stuck in the english muffin. Although I mourn for my Yanni, I cannot believe that this is not the ethereal medium that drives my beautiful hubris, but I guess I will buy it anyway because it tastes just like the real thing.