The James Stephen Allred Issue
April 2007
- Preacher-formerly- known-as-Gary’s name officially changed
- Angelina Jolie’s child slave ring discovered
- A Convenient Truth: Beaches getting closer
- The Japanese invent everything
Do not leave your belongings unattended
Bitch, I’m trying to get this shit stolen!
Why am I hot? This is why:
- Glitter on my butt cleavage (60.3%)
- Faulty air-conditioner (4%)
- Grandma's Itchy Wool Sweater (18%)
- Cause I'm Fly (3%)
- Plastic Surgery (5%)
- The scalding Sun (10.7%)
April 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Hobo House Party!
- How to spend the last ten days of your college life
- Fiery death teaches hard lesson on fire code
- “Weathermob” busted
- BoUNCe finds the truth behind on-campus environmental activism
- Savory shrimp sauce seduces
- Senior’s final article anticlimactic
- Want the perfect roommate? Create your own!
- Ask Alli
- Like working but not getting paid? Then get an internship!
- Stereotypes are gay and smell funny
- Daily Vanity: Your reliable source for SUPERHERO GOSSIP - #205
- Candidates clamor to showcase spouse’s ills in a full out battle for sympathy vote
- NCAA hoops, Aztec-style
- Reading lesson a “sex”-cess
- CA primaries cause debate, time travel
- Duke’s Next Top Karate Star premieres
- Suffragin' Succotash! Vegetables Get the Vote!
- BoUNCe Sells Out
PREVIOUSLY, IN VANITY ADVENTURES #74---
Lovable Rogue WOLVERINE stunned all of Metro-City last week when the Uncanny X-Man roughly refused the Steadfast Clam Chowder served to him by Plain-Featured Waitress RITA HOBART! Never forget that unforgettable memory, forever remembered by an entire scandalized food service industry!
MEANWHILE…
Lesser Minority Hero APACHE CHIEF has revealed to the entire tri-state area that the Noble Savage has timely decided to open a lifetime membership at his local grocery do-gooder co-op: M.A.R.K.E.T., or M.E.A.N.I.N.G.F.U.L A.R.M.I.S.T.I.C.E R.E.L.A.T.I.N.G to the K.I.l.L.I.N.G of E.A.R.T.H.’S. various different deT.R.A.C.T.O.R.S.
SUDDENLY...
Our crack research teams, led by Inimitable Researcher IRON MAN, by day Clinically-Depressed Millionaire Tinkerer TONY STARK, have doggedly determined through infinite instants of restless researching that Gargantuan Basketball Player Shaquille O’Neal’s Favorite Beverage MILK, is in fact a dastardly alien ploy to make our children sympathetic to the godless tenets of Communism! The HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS, forever America’s Tireless Defenders of Truthful Advertising in the National Basketball Association, have solemnly sworn to stop this scheme, or slowly succumb to the stimulus of SCOTT SUMMERS (*see the amazing vanity #33 - ed.)!
INCONCEIVABLY...
Courageously spotted poring through the daringly-priced discount racks at The Woman’s Wonderstore, J.C. PENNEY: who else but SUPERMAN THE MAN OF STEEL’s Girl Friend Lois Lane!! “Look! She’s crying!” commented one citizen! Our brave reporter managed to edge close enough to hear her laments! “Why,SUPERMAN?!” she cried! “Why would you knowingly replace all the clothes hangers in the world with pure lead, which you know is impossible for me to lift??!” Replied the MAN OF STEEL, loyally assisting her at her side, “I did it the moment you bought me the wrong brand of toothpaste by mistake! Now you will never shop again!”
DON’T MISS!!!! OUR LORD AND SAVIOR CONFRONTING A TERRIBLE SWAMP BEAST IN A BATTLE FOR OUR VERY SOULS!! NEXT TIME, IN THE DAILY VANITY!!!!
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