The James Stephen Allred Issue
April 2007
- Preacher-formerly- known-as-Gary’s name officially changed
- Angelina Jolie’s child slave ring discovered
- A Convenient Truth: Beaches getting closer
- The Japanese invent everything
Do not leave your belongings unattended
Bitch, I’m trying to get this shit stolen!
Why am I hot? This is why:
- Glitter on my butt cleavage (60.3%)
- Faulty air-conditioner (4%)
- Grandma's Itchy Wool Sweater (18%)
- Cause I'm Fly (3%)
- Plastic Surgery (5%)
- The scalding Sun (10.7%)
April 2007 Articles
- Center Spread: Hobo House Party!
- How to spend the last ten days of your college life
- Fiery death teaches hard lesson on fire code
- “Weathermob” busted
- BoUNCe finds the truth behind on-campus environmental activism
- Savory shrimp sauce seduces
- Senior’s final article anticlimactic
- Want the perfect roommate? Create your own!
- Ask Alli
- Like working but not getting paid? Then get an internship!
- Stereotypes are gay and smell funny
- Daily Vanity: Your reliable source for SUPERHERO GOSSIP - #205
- Candidates clamor to showcase spouse’s ills in a full out battle for sympathy vote
- NCAA hoops, Aztec-style
- Reading lesson a “sex”-cess
- CA primaries cause debate, time travel
- Duke’s Next Top Karate Star premieres
- Suffragin' Succotash! Vegetables Get the Vote!
- BoUNCe Sells Out
The wall of stereotypes that went up between Davis library and the union last week was supposed to provide a learning experience to the campus community. Instead, many people walked away from the display feeling embittered and a little sad.
“None of the stereotypes up on the wall could be applied to me,” said sophomore Jane Smith. “I felt so left out. I mean, what about your average, brunette, white bread American girl? Not even one remark about the Lutherans. Catholics and Baptists got like a dozen little posts each, but not one Lutheran.No one cares enough to stereotype me?”
“I’ll stereotype you, if you know what I mean,” said senior John Doe the typical white-bread male standing beside Smith.
“Hell yeah,” added freshman Tyrone Davis, the token black guy.
The sponsors for the event began with good intentions, but those deteriorated when they realized what rotten scumbags people can be. “We tried to do the impossible: bring people together with something that drives them apart. Now we know why it’s impossible.” commented group member Ashley Montigue. “We’ve learned our lesson. Next time we’ll just give out free pizza.”
While the project was offensive to most, some passersby managed to find some positives.
“I totally didn’t know some of that stuff up there. Who knew Indians had smaller pricks than Chinese dudes? It was a great way for us racist to spread our ideas to each other and showcase our witty poems,” said frequent wall writer Johnathan Marshall.
Oddly enough the wall was taken down by a group of illegal immigrants.
“That wall brought so many things to light for me,” said junior Mark Spencer. “I mean, I got really angry when funding first got cut for intramurals. Now I know that the majority of student congress can’t help being unfeeling pricks because they’re conservative.”
He added, “my roommate’s pre-med. I wonder if he’s Asian…”