Hot off the Press:

The James Stephen Allred Issue
April 2007

• Preacher-formerly- known-as-Gary’s name officially changed
• Angelina Jolie’s child slave ring discovered
• A Convenient Truth: Beaches getting closer
• The Japanese invent everything

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Do not leave your belongings unattended

Bitch, I’m trying to get this shit stolen!

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Why am I hot? This is why:

1. Glitter on my butt cleavage (60.3%)
2. Faulty air-conditioner (4%)
3. Grandma's Itchy Wool Sweater (18%)
4. Cause I'm Fly (3%)
5. Plastic Surgery (5%)
6. The scalding Sun (10.7%)

April 2007 Articles

• Center Spread: Hobo House Party!
  - BoUNCe Staff
• How to spend the last ten days of your college life
  - BoUNCe Staff
• Fiery death teaches hard lesson on fire code
  - Nathan Fennell
• “Weathermob” busted
  - Gannon Hubbard
• BoUNCe finds the truth behind on-campus environmental activism
  - Andy Jones
• Savory shrimp sauce seduces
  - Sarah Wolper
• Senior’s final article anticlimactic
  - Chris Faulkenberry
• Want the perfect roommate? Create your own!
  - Sarah Wolper
• Ask Alli
  - Alli Cooke
• Like working but not getting paid? Then get an internship!
  - Helen Thomas
• Stereotypes are gay and smell funny
  - Sarah Hodges
• Daily Vanity: Your reliable source for SUPERHERO GOSSIP - #205
  - Gannon Hubbard
• Candidates clamor to showcase spouse’s ills in a full out battle for sympathy vote
  - Sam Morgan
  
• NCAA hoops, Aztec-style
  - Sarah Wolper
  
• Reading lesson a “sex”-cess
  - Tommy Allen
  
• CA primaries cause debate, time travel
  - Tommy Allen
  
• Duke’s Next Top Karate Star premieres
  - John Ealy
  
• Suffragin' Succotash! Vegetables Get the Vote!
  - Gannon Hubbard
  
• BoUNCe Sells Out
  - BoUNCe Staff
  

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How to spend the last ten days of your college life:

1. Nude theme parties before you’re seriously an adult.
2. Un-tag incriminating photos from those parties before future employers might see them
3. Now that you think about it, maybe look for a job.
4. Make origami swans from leftover notebook paper
5. Enact your public urination fantasy at Dey Hall
6. Get arrested while you’re still passable as “young and impulsive”
7. Finally go to TA’s office hours
8. Choose a major
9. Free STD testing from Student Health
10. Sneak flask into Kenan stadium... Oh, and graduate, too.