By Neal Timpe
Harold Brumby and former girlfriend Betsy Reese made their first trip to Davis Library as a couple this semester last Saturday. Fortunately they found privacy and managed to make it a romantic rendezvous.
"I'm so in love with Gerald," said Ms. Reese. "I think we really have something special."
It is difficult to say whether their love will stand the test of time. One thing is certain though. Gerald got all the way to the eighth floor with her last weekend five minutes before they turned off the lights in Davis.
"We got down and dirty," Gerald said of the event. "I didn't know you could get past the fourth floor, but it turns out the numbering system is totally different from the baseball one."
The new euphemistic system is similar to baseball in that the different floors represent different levels of physical intimacy. The fifth floor is for what used to be called home base. The sixth, seventh, and eighth floors are for experts only.
"The Davis library floor system is well suited for people who are looking to stretch out their lovemaking over a long period of time and at different altitudes. Very few people just hit the 8th floor button when they start to do this type of thing. If they wanted to hit a home run they could have just done it in their dorm," said Amanda Eckstein, a night librarian at Davis Library.
Other librarians we interviewed recommended the Undergraduate Library for first timers. It only has two floors and isn't as complicated to negotiate for the wham bam between the stacks romance that is typically associated with Undergraduates. Many of the librarians hadn't actually tried sex in the building, but had walked in on others who had and been forever changed.
"We had heard that there was a way to the roof and a ninth floor," added Jerald. "But, it was supposed to be the Italian Chandelier. Neither of us knew how to do it so we just went ahead and did the eighth floor another time."