By Aaron Fennell
Once upon a time there was a quaint little village in the land of Ozzle. All was well in the world until the evil forest corporations monopolized sugar beets, which were the main source of economic success for the denizens of the realm.
Just as things started to look really bleak, bleak enough to look up exactly what the word bleak means, there came a savior from on high. His name was the Lorax, and he spoke for the trees who could not speak for themselves. His message was thus: "until we, the trees of Ozzle, feel wanted and appreciated, you shall never grow sugar beets again!"
It was a dark day for the Lilliputians of Ozzle "What shall we do?" wailed the populace, gnashing their teeth. "This Lorax fellow hasn't been much of a savior at all." Fortunately for them, they had a true hero already in their midst.
His name was Chester McGalligan, and he had served on the Board of Industrial Sugar Beatings for the last fourteen years. At the town council meeting, he rose his voice above the rabble and said, "Quiet, everyone!" Then he spoke about his plan.
It was one of those simple, yet brilliant plans that are only possible as plot contrivances in poorly written stories by lazy authors.
"What we shall do to placate these trees is this: Each year, we shall make a grand to-do about this Lorax from on high. We shall worship him and dedicate days and weeks of shopping to him."
There were scattered nods throughout the assembly, but a few people could be heard asking the question on everyone's mind: "What about the trees and our sugar beets?"
Chester McGalligan had not gotten his job by being unknowledgeable in the ways of vegetable psychology. "It's really quite simple," he said, pulling a complicated flow chart from a hidden pocket behind his back. "We make this Lorax fellow's celebration revolve around the selection of a grand evergreen tree, which we shall place in the town center. The trees will feel loved and appreciated, and we shall get back our precious sugar beets."
Thus it was carried out, just as Chester commanded. The holiday was dubbed Treeday, and it became the annual custom to go out into the woods and lop down the biggest, strongest evergreen pine the townsfolk could find to haul up to the town center for the duration of the holiday. The Lorax was pleased, and retreated to the woods with his bark-skinned brethren, and the sugar beet situation quickly relegated itself back into normality.
The custom still stands today, although the name has changed over time. The story of the Lorax was once told to impressionable young people the world over, who passed it on to their neighbor's children while baby-sitting. And that's why Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown. At least, until the Lorax comes again.
The End.