By Bethany Thomas
Carolina’s study abroad program is one of the finest in the country. UNC has always valued the importance of worldwide sexual exploration, but lately students have been asking: is international ass all it’s cracked up to be?
For junior Julie Robinson, the answer was a resounding “meh.”
“I mean, you see Sean Connery playing Bond and you see Mel Gibson in Braveheart, and you think, ‘Holy shit! Scotland must be stud central!’ But I really wasn’t impressed. I did meet one really hot guy, but it turns out he was a cabertosser, and that was such a turn off. I mean, if spending all day man-handling a telephone- pole sized log doesn’t mean you are compensating for something, I don’t know what does.”
Americans have long been tricked into falling for foreigners, despite their bad teeth, deplorable hygiene and possibly missing limbs, and suffered the often-terrible consequences.
UNC junior Matt Clements, currently studying in Florence, Italy, is no different.
“I met a beautiful Italian woman and, even through the language barrier, we fell in love.” Or so he thought. “In retrospect, I should have realized she wasn’t saying ‘I love you’ but ‘I have Chlamydia.’ If I could have seen through her evil non-English speaking ways, I wouldn’t have this problem today.”
For junior Will Niver, his long-awaited trip to Ireland amounted to nothing more than a very expensive and unsuccessful hunt for a hook-up. Having traveled all over Ireland and several other European countries without “making it” with a single girl, Niver returned to UNC poor and embittered, but with a new appreciation for the girls of Chapel Hill.
“Carolina girls may or may not be the best in the world, but they are by far the cheapest. I mean, the most inexpensive. Oh, fuck. Guess I’ll have to wait until I graduate to get laid.”
More Carolina students are coming to the realization that study abroad is about more than just sex. As a result, the study abroad office expects the number of students traveling to Amsterdam to increase over the next few years.