DEAR ALLI,

Dear William,

This is an easy fix. I suggest getting Mr. Inconvenient really, really drunk, and then seducing him. You’d have to film it, of course, and there’s always the risk of your gay-porn escapade ending up on YouTube because your roommate is a giant douchebag who can really hold a grudge (not that I’ve ever been in this situation before). But when she finds the evidence stuffed into her campus mailbox, she’ll be distraught and vulnerable, and naturally you’ll be the first guy she runs to. After all, she’ll already know how good you are in the sack.

XOXOXO (and good luck!),