By Greg Ceneviva
Students headed home from South Campus were greeted by a new face today: Bobby, the RU bus driver. Those hoping for a driver as uplifting as Robert, the cheerful and inspirational face of the U bus, were in for a sad awakening.
“I thought he’d be like that motivational speaker guy on the U bus,” said senior Ellen White, “but after a few minutes of talking to him I was starting to get the feeling that I’d be better off checking out early to save the University the gas required to tote my fat ass around campus every day.”
Complaints to Chapel Hill Transit about the new driver’s surly attitude were widely ignored. “It is called the `Reverse U’ for a reason,” explained director Archie Palmer. “Its purpose is to work against everything the U-Route stands for.”
Bobby’s job application, obtained from DOT archives, confirms this remark. In response to the question, “How would you introduce yourself to riders?” he wrote: “Welcome, upper-middle class white folks. I haven’t seen this many white folks on a bus since the boycott down in Montgomery. My name is Bobby, and I’d like to say good afternoon to all you weirdos and crazies riding the RU today. I would like to remind all of you that you are nobody. The people on your right and left are worth about as much as a sardine sandwich, and so are you. No matter what you accomplish today, your life will still amount to crap in the long run. Because you are not The Man, you’re nobody.”
Despite early expectations, many students are embracing Bobby’s unorthodox approach. “He really helped me get my life together,” explained junior Philip French. “I was going to try to start looking for a job for after graduation, but after spending 10 minutes on the RU, I’ve decided to save myself the trouble and start looking for a highly-trafficked location on Franklin St., a threadbare overcoat and a styrofoam cup to support myself.”