By Sarah Hodges
Campus Crusade for Christ sponsored a pancake breakfast in the firstfloor kitchen of Parker last week in an attempt to convert students to Christianity. Member Simon Anderson said the idea was inspired by the free food listserve. “It’s a tried and true method of forcing college students to listen to your propaganda. If the Alopecic Linguists Promoting Healthy Attitudes toward Baldness-related Etymology That Sounds Often Ungainly, if Pronounceable (ALPHABET SOUP) can get people to show up with the promise of food, then, damnit so can we.” He added, “I swear, they start with the acronym and work backwards.”
When asked why the group decided to go with breakfast food, Anderson explained, “We toyed with the idea of having a late afternoon pizza party, but we wanted to make sure we encompassed people with hangovers. Less likely to wander off mid-meal.”
Raina Faruqi, a Muslim student, also attended the breakfast. Though she was afraid the group would try to convert her, the draw of free pancakes was simply too great. “I got in there and they just descended on me. When I finished my pancakes and tried to leave, they started shooting me with the sprayer thing from the sink and chanting, ‘Repent and be baptized.’ It was scary. I had to duck behind some Buddhist kid to keep from being saved!”
The group had better luck on philosophy major and former atheist John Clarke. He said, “They were handing out Jesus pancakes with ‘blood of Christ’ raspberry syrup drizzled on top. Any guy willing to die to give students free pancakes is good in my book!”
A few days after the conversion, Clarke’s excitement was tempered by disillusionment. “His blood wasn’t made out of raspberries at all! It was wine! They lied to me.”