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February 2007 - Volume 7, Issue 4
Ok, we get it. You’re confused about the cover. To answer the most pressing question first, yes, that is Cupid getting completely ruined by a gigantic, tentacled creature. His name is Cthulhu, and he owns your mom. To answer your second question - namely, why this scene is on our cover - it is neccessary to turn to Roman mythology and the intricaces concerning this son of Venus and another one of lesser renown: Aeneas. Pissed that a girly-boy like Cupid got more commercial glory than the badass father of the Roman people, who led the tired Trojans to the distant lands of Latium to found the settlement that would one day become Rome, Aeneas slipped Neptune a cool hundred grand to arrange for a specific “accident.” We happened to capture this historic moment and found it inspiring. Other questions?

Reality Is Less Interesting Than Fantasy
“...the same thing we do every night, Pinky: try to take over the world...”

Whenever the world is in dire peril, the question of survival is best answered by spunky teenagers with unnatural mannerisms and smokin’ hot bodies.

The world can be an irritating place, and we are not alone in feeling the need to escape our harsh realities and lose ourselves in some other world, one free from the pressures of modern life. This escape is the world of fantasy, a realm of limitless potential in which we find ourselves to be absolute masters of our tiny domains. This feeling of power and control - the idea that our lives actually matter - is part of the reason why MMORPGs and reality television are so popular these days.
BoUNCe has decided it’s about time we got in on the action.
Effective immediately, we shall begin the filming of an epic, totally-original, three-part series in which the fate of the universe rests in the hands of a small, unlikely group of adventures with unclear goals and superficial motives. At least one of them will seem to be an enemy from the start, and all will be shocked when a different member of the party betrays them instead. After a series of preconstructed conflicts against an army of unfathomable power which repeatedly attacks the party in small, manageable chunks, these heroes will charge straight into the imperial capitol building and challenge the commander to an all-out battle. It is at this time that a dramatic secret involving the leader of the heroes’ shadowy past is revealed, and their ensuing victory will bring with it a note of personal redemption for the heroes in question. Then each of them lose their jobs for spending so much time away from the office. The end.

February Articles

full article

10 things you could have done with your tuition hike money
By BoUNCe Staff

Ramshead introducing whipped cream dessert
By Sarah Wolper

“Have it your way?”
By Paul Preston

Mimes fail to speak out against extremist violence or voice concerns
By Sarah Hodges

CDS makes startling discovery
By Andy Jones

Dark spirits form children’s charity
By Paul Preston

Pancakes fail to slate spiritual hunger
By Sarah Hodges

Campus theater offers community seniors constant reminder of impending mortality
By Sarah Wolper

Lifetime fitness helps tired freshmen sleep
By Sam Morgan

Student claims to apologize profusely
By Andy Jones

Bush unveils new euphemism
By Andy Jones