The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
UNC unveiled on Thursday a new solution for smokers on campus trying to cope with the new school-wide smoking ban. The “smoker zeppelin,” an 804-foot long airship, will hover 100 feet above campus, safely outside the boundaries set by the smoking ban. “We believe this a fair response to the complaints we’ve received in wake of the smoking ban,” said Chancellor Moeser, at a press conference regarding the new zeppelin. Construction on the zeppelin will begin in March, and is expected to be completed by December 9th, 2008. The airship will be a first for the UNC school system, and will be regarded with a sense of pride by UNC-Chapel Hill. “We are extremely pleased with the designs for the smoker zeppelin, which will be capable of speeds up to 84 miles per hour,” said Moeser. The zeppelin will contain room for up to 50 smokers and 40 crewmembers, most of which are expected to be English graduates. Many heads of the budgetary committee have voiced concerns that the science of zeppelin design and construction, or “dirigibication,” is an antiquated mode of hovering. However, a discreetly managed deal with Argentinian officials have yielded a small cabal of German-speaking engineers with much experience in blimpery, offering to build not only “enough of ze crafts to deshtroy die veekling non-shmokers,” but to equip the vessels with enough mustard gas to do just that. Due to budget constraints, the school board announced that the zeppelin would be “supported by the buoyant properties of hydrogen, rather than traditionally- used helium,” according to Chancellor Moeser. “We trust that this will be an acceptable arrangement with campus smokers,” he added. When asked for comment, Ashley Rainsley, a junior Fine Art major and a smoker, replied, “Yeah, sounds good, whatever. I just hope everyone can see me looking cool from all the way down there.”