The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
In a dramatic scene yesterday, evangelical preacher Brother Christian Christenson was removed from the campus of Bob Jones University in Greenville, SC. Police were reportedly called in when a dispute between Christenson and a scheduled student event in front of the Seminary and Evangelism Center became hostile. When Street-Preaching majors from Students Against Teenage Atheism in our Nation (SATAN) began their early afternoon scheduled preaching session, Christenson, known for his inculpatory style, began to disrupt their evangelizing efforts with shouts of damnation. “We were just there trying to spread Christ’s message to these godless, university heathens when Christian started telling us we were going to hell for having our heads uncovered and wearing makeup,” reported sophomore Marie Calvin. As students rose to Christenson’s baiting, the situation grew increasingly volatile as phrases like “God hates you” and “I’ll be praying for you” flew between the two parties. As Christenson screamed that SATAN members were “perverted sodomites,” students accused Christenson of being “soft on Jews.” After both parties had been trying to convert each other for several minutes, the KJVs came out, and faculty decided to intervene before things got too violent. Police arrived, and when Christenson refused to leave, he had to be boldly dragged from the scene. As they struggled to force him into the back of a police car, Christian was heard protesting “First Armament! First Armament! Freedom of Religion! Freedom of RELIGION!” and “Let go of me, you goddamned secularist!” Charges were not pressed by BJU, which has offered Christenson a professorship in exchange for a promise not to disrupt student demonstrations again and his renunciation of his “liberal” thinking.