The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
Determined to amuse myself on a Friday night... and devoted to selfdestructive habits because I’m always alone on Friday nights... I have chosen to indulge in something reckless and possibly dangerous. A cousin recommended overdosing on a certain brand of cold medicine as a cheap and easy way to achieve a psychedelic high, and I have found it prudent to chronicle my condition. If I do not survive this, please have someone punch my cousin Will in the face as hard as possible for inspiring these exploits. Friday 1/18/07 6:57; Downed six tabs with some raspberry Tang. 6:58; Put on some music. 7:00; I think I’ll eat some Mexican food. 7:06; I’m kinda shaky, but I think it’s just those cigarettes. 7:10; Fact: Bandito’s isn’t very good cold. 7:11; Oh god my dad’s IM-ing me… I hope he can’t tell I’m under the influence. 7:20; Fact: Bandito’s chips are good at any temperature. 7:22; Ate some peanuts. 7:56; Okay, I’m looking around trying to find hallucinations, but I can’t find them anywhere. It’s been an hour and I’m starting to think that this whole thing was just a total crock. I think I’ll eat some chocolate cake. 8:06; The scientific method Experiment: why isn’t anything happening? Hypothesis: My cousin is full of crap Procedure: This is bullshit Conclusion: Yep. 8:15; I think I’ll go take a shower. 8:34; Kinda woozy, but disappointed thus far. 8:37; Huh… feels like I’m about to fall asleep 8:52 Reeeeeally dry mouth right now. Ugh. 9:00 FAIL. [Editor Note: Yes, this actually happened. He failed to get drunk. Yes, this might be a first in BoUNCe history. But don’t worry, he’s fired.]