The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
Cheers rang out from Alphabet Square yesterday as a war against the passive voice in writing and speech was announced by Grammatical Correctness Fuehrer Arianne Nations to her followers. “No longer will the complacent reception of the verb’s actions by the subject be tolerated by us!” She cried. “Let the abusers of our glorious language be warned, you cannot be hidden forever and you will be found by us!” Since the announcement GC loyalists ranging from university professors to plumbers to that creepy guy who sits outside local Subways and follows cust o m e r s a r o u n d h a v e been seen in books t o r e s and on s t r e e t c o r n e r s a r m e d w i t h duct tape or red Sharpies. T h o s e p e o p l e caught speaking in the incorrect voice are being silenced and those offending sentences from books are being ma r k e d out. Repeat lang u a g e o f f e n d - ers have faced having an “F” branded on their f o r e - heads or on the title- pages of their p a p e r s . Also, tom a t o e s were thrown at the band Maroon 5 in protest of the passive song “She Will Be Loved.” At an emergency meeting of the United Nerds Institute of Quebec’s Upper Extremities (UNIQUE), great urgency was to be found in the faces and attitudes of its members. “We must take action now,” proclaimed Dr. Trevor Northrup, head of the General Assembly, to the anxious delegates. “If we don’t, these absolutist fanatics will leave nothing behind save ruin and confused victims.” Northrup’s sentiments were applauded by many, but sizable minorities were either apathetic, or the whole situation was thought to be “just silly.”