The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
On his way to the first class of spring semester, junior Ryan Alden- Bleecker had thirty-four awkward encounters. Alden-Blacker’s uncomfortable walk to class began when he noticed the cute brunette girl with pink Uggs who sat beside him in English 101 during his fall semester last year. After making initial eye contact with his former friend, Alden-Blacker simply looked at the path three feet directly in front of him, hoping for acknowledgement, until she was already fifteen feet past him. “And then it happened like five more times after that!” he complained. “Mo s t l y it was people who I had class with earlier. You know, friends on Facebook... and I would talk to them in class, but maybe not outside of class. I knew who they were - I even knew their last names and majors! And I hope they knew who I was... I’m sure they did, but I guess I just didn’t know how to acknowledge them.” Alden-Blacker admitted. After making a resolution to visually acknowledge the next person he knew who walked past him, Alden- Blacker gave a slight wave to someone he met at a party last semester. “I’m not sure why George didn’t wave back,” Alden-Blacker said, wringing his hands nervously. The pressures and tensions of these unfortunate situations were starting to build. “We’re friends on Facebook and he is always inviting me to his fraternity’s parties, so he knows who I am. Right? That one really shook my confidence.” Alden-Blacker’s troubles grew worse after one of his friends from high school, Mandy Warren, actually greeted him enthusiastically: “Hey Ryan, how’s it going? I haven’t seen you in a while!” “That really threw me off,” Alden-Blacker admitted. “She didn’t allow time for me to respond with a hello, so I tried to throw in my greeting, answer her question, and ask her how she was doing all at the same time. It all jumbled together and she probably thinks I’m retarded now.” Needless to say, once Alden-Blacker got to his destination, Psychology 509 (Applied Behavioral Analysis) , he sat in the back corner of the classroom and did not talk to anyone.