The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
Firefighters rushed to Lucy’s Bar to extinguish a fire that unexpectedly engulfed the entire dance club early Saturday morning. Investigators determined that heat spread from the dance floor to the bar, forcing seated patrons to jump out of their seats and move. Bar personnelle noticed the room heating up as early as 12:15am, but despite all efforts, found it impossible to cool things down, despite desperate pleas from tormented dancers. Eyewitnesses claim the conflagration reached its peak when the club DJ played Kanye West’s latest single immediately after a “Soulja Boy” remix, something that has been warned against in most DJ instructional videos. “It was downright irresponsible of the DJ to place two hot tracks that close together in a crowded room,” explains UNC Junior and Hip-Hop analyst, Catherine Smith, who has been aiding police in their investigation. “The roof was clearly being raised at an exponential rate. It was only a matter of time before the roof was on fire.” Albert Belle, UNC freshman and strong advocate for fair treatment of DJ’s, as well as a member of DJ’s Are People 2!, disagrees: “The DJ warned us that he was going to set the place on fire. He made it quite clear he can’t stop and won’t stop. No matter the cost in terms of private property, personal injury, or even human lives.” Although nobody was seriously injured, Chapel Hill Police Chief Kyle Fetz recalls a similar incident at Lucy’s Bar which ended with an out of court settlement and many damaged lives in April of 2001. Chapel Hill archives have a very clearcut record on the proceedings of the case, recording that things got out of hand when three women went ”absolutely crazy” after a DJ played “Pour Some Sugar On Me” and “Like A Prayer” back to back, and had to be admitted to a mental institution after being declared a danger to both themselves and to society as a whole.