The Up In Smoke Issue
February 2008
- Wayne Ellington could end Orange County Drought
- Riots in Kenya leaves all of Africa officially screwed
- Bounce Treasurer smites staff for own pleasure
- Bounce Explains the Leap Year
Carolina Girls: Best in the World!
Bitch, I got the best pieces of ass in the world!
- Washing their hair (58%)
- Transferring to UNC (42%)
- Getting taken to the cleaners by every team (23%)
- Watching “Gossip Girl” online (12%)
- Taking Sidney Lowe jacket to the cleaners (3.3%)
- Cow Tipping (3%)
February 2008 Articles
- Center Spread: The BoUNCe Squad!
- Top Ten Things To Do When Your Roommate is Out
- New “smoker zeppelin” to provide
a solution for smokers on campus
- Italy’s youngest man dies at age 42
- Cool dude, 24 m, seeks
hot female. No fatties.
- Hillary Clinton proves strong men also cry
- Patriots go back in time, win every superbowl
- Smokin’ hot dancing causes inferno
- Ask Alli
- Harrison Ford falls down,
shatters dreams and pelvis
- “Video Game Hero” positively reviewed
- Evangelist escorted off B.J. Campus
- BoUNCe writer fails to get drunk
- Grammar Nazis declare war on the passive voice
- Awkward turtle attacks
- Alternate things to do with “that ho”
- X-treme Environmentalism
- GOP: Revolution was un-American
- The BoUNCe Halftime Show
For those who will find themselves alone this Valentine’s Day, BoUNCe has got the perfect cure for your romance-less induced doldrums. While we make no promises to cure your pathetic. lame existence, this issue will hopefully help to momentarily alleve your suffering. Just for you, we have the exclusive story about Wayne Ellington’s magical weather abilities, an update on the “Video Game Hero” mania that’s sweeping the nation, and an explanation of the mysteries of the leap year. And that’s nicer than any box of chocolates or bouquet of roses you could have received! At least that’s what we keep telling ourselves.
The year 2008 ushered in a new dawn for UNC, full of many exciting changes, not the least of which was the campus-wide smoking ban. As of January 1st, smokers were permitted only to smoke within the tiny area of space surrounding the flagpole on Polk Place. With this new regulation, campus authorities thought they had won the battle against the evil wiles of smoking; little did they know just how mistaken they were. . . .
As this was the only location on campus where they couold enjoy their cigarettes free from tyranny and scorn, smokers began to congregate ‘round the flagpole in great multitudes. Their numbers grew and grew until, as the cover shows, the smokers formed a colossal nicotine-fueled tower that threatened to overtake all of campus. A crisis was narrowly averted when campus authorities called for a truce. The smokers agreed to stop taking over UNC on the account that they be given an additional location where they could go to smoke. Chancellor Moeser agreed to their demands, and gave them Venable 318. With this generous gesture, UNC students avoided certain death and destruction once again. For more on this story, see the feature on the smoking zeppelin on page 7.
That being said, BoUNCe reiterates that you really should not start smoking. Seriously. Granted, it does make you look cooler (despite what your high school gym teacher told you). And emphysema is a fun word to say. And that machine that lets you talk like Stephen Hawking is pretty awesome. . . .Look, just don’t do it, ok?