By Chris Faulkenberry
Last Wednesday, Falcon
Waterfree Technologies
held its ribbon-cutting ceremony
for its new “waterfree
waterpark,” Eco Lagoon,
located in Tucson, Arizona. The
park’s changing and locker will be
stocked with Falcon’s trademark
waterfree urinals, but spokesman
Terry Logan claims that the park’s
water-conservation efforts will go
much further than that. “We have
created an exciting new design for
this park,” he said, “that will use
no water whatsoever in its daily
operations.”
The park boasts a 70-foot “waterfree” slide titled the Downward Spiral. It is difficult to tell whether the high pitched shrieks of children riding the slide are screams of delight or the grating sound of flesh grinding against plastic. Smaller slides flanking the mammoth Spiral use the same bright blue chemicals that Falcon employs in their urinals to lubricate the surface. “Watching children slip down the inclines, smiles of glee on their faces as they splash into the pool of caustic chemicals below indicates to any observer that the park is a success,” Logan stated.
An added bonus: hyping up on their urinal fame, patrons of the park are free to urinate absolutely anywhere. Also present are thousands of disc-shaped pieces of porcelain with randomized dates written on them. "We want to make the waterfree waterpark one the whole family can enjoy, from your non-toilet-trained infant to your incontinent grandfather - we have hopes that our waterpark will take over the nation by storm. A dry, humidity-free storm," says Logan.
Not only do the entertainment facilities use no water to function, but concession stands also serve waterfree food. After a long day of playing in the sun, children can come to the environment- friendly concession stand for delicious powdered burgers, sip on syrup from various soft drinks, or eat a variety of waterless desserts. “We are very proud of what we’ve accomplished here with the Eco Lagoon,” Logan stated. “The park conserves over two million gallons of water every day, a breakthrough in environmental conservation. Safe, fun, and ecologically conscious, what more could you want in a theme park?”