By Aaron Fennell
Carolina student Rick
Janson was arrested earlier
this week after taking
a stand on the corner of
South Columbia and
West Franklin, drawing sharp criticism
from many patrons and store
owners.
“It just seemed like something I should do,” said Janson, a junior drama major. “You hear about students taking stands all over campus, every day. I didn’t want to fall out of favor with the liberal community by graduating without having taken one while I was here. The whole thing’s very exciting for me.”
Janson says he selected his stand after weeks of careful observation, finally settling on Little Timmy’s Lemonade, Gun Oil and Fishing Supply Outlet, a successful and growing business set up on a lawn just off of Franklin Street. Reports indicate that Janson acted around 3:00 Friday morning, although the stand wasn’t reported missing until Little Timmy came in to work it after school on Monday.
“It was like a bad dream,” Timmy said, clutching an empty piggy bank close to his heart. “My entire stand was just gone. Vanished, like it had never been there. So much for my plan to buy a Nintendo Revolution when it comes out.”
There has been a large public outcry to have the stand returned, but Janson remains solidly unrepentant.
“Give it back? No way!” he told reporters. “Every time you look in the paper and read about students taking stands, they never mention giving them back. I really don’t see what the big deal is here; nobody was using it when I took it. Look, if I give this stand back, that will be emboldening the enemy. People will think any time they want something, they can just bitch at me until somebody gives it to them. Get a grip, people.”
The current location of the stand remains unknown, although local police say that they have “a few promising leads” in the case. Concerned citizens have decided to start a special charity to help buy a new stand in the event that police fail to find the first one.
"I'm glad to hear about the charity," said Paulina Janson, Timmy's mother. "We need to get the word out. We can make a difference, and stop people from taking stands. It's hurtful and annoying."
Donations can be made to Little Timmy’s Stand Fund, care of BoUNCe Magazine, in the form of checks, money orders, beer, gravy biscuits and cash.