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Student absorbs culture, bird flu while abroad

By Sarah Wolper

At a Monday press conference, junior Mark Levin reported that he has been deeply affected by his semester abroad in Thailand, having acquired both a better understanding of the unique culture of the Southeast Asian nation and also a fullblown case of the avian flu.

“I think I’ve really broadened my horizons,” commented Levin, speaking with difficulty through his ventilator unit. “Thailand is truly an amazing country: walking the streets of Bangkok is like nothing else I’ve ever experienced. And eating authentic Thai food was pretty awesome.”

“Still, if only I hadn’t bought that chicken pad thai from that sketchy unlicensed vendor. . . .” Levins added, coughing up a hefty gob of phlegm. Reporters were revolted at the quarter-sized ball of mucus, but Levins just shrugged and tossed it in the trash. “You should have seen them yesterday."

Levins also commented on the country’s rich history.

“On our last day, we went to visit the Great Shrine of Khivasawanya— it’s one of the oldest temples in the entire region! Of course by then, I was sort of delirious from the fever, so I don’t remember much about it. Rob swears it was cool though.”

While Levins, who is expected to make a full recovery, describes the semester abroad as overall “mind-blowing,” he does have some regrets concerning the experience.

“Yeah. . .I guess contracting the bird flu was kind of a letdown. I mean, all my friends got cool STDs from underage Thai hookers, and I wind up with bird flu. Just my fucking luck.”