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March 2007

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Allred claims throne

By Chris Faulkenberry

Student Body President James Allred released a statement on Monday which he calls his “Edict of Ascension.” This groundbreaking move, unprecedented in the realm of student government, is a clear declaration that the president is not willing to cede his position to President- Elect Carson. The proclamation issues several orders, the most notable of which will extend the term of student body president to life, making Allred’s seat permanent. The other alarming clause dissolves Student Congress because “their petty, partisan nature stands in the way of the vision of James I.”

The edict was presented in the Pit yesterday by Allred himself, adorned in his new presidential regalia and flanked by guards chanting “Red in the head, fire in the bed.” Apprentice and right-hand man Brian Phelps stood at his side as he read the terms of the proclamation. Later that day, Phelps and a band of Allred supporters were seen blockading the entrances to South Building as a display of power, flying the flag of the Allred regime, which features a crimson “NC” logo. Former members of Student Congress were being detained in Greenlaw by presidential forces, awaiting trial under Allred’s re-formed Honor Court.

The reign of Student Body President-for-Life James I was cut short by the Board of Trustees, however, since the student body president has no actual power.