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WoW spring break madness 2007!

Jack Garvey

Looking to avoid the costs of an exotic spring break destination, a few students opted instead to spend the entire week in the World of Warcraft. “I wanted to go somewhere fun and exciting this year,” said sophomore Derrick Hanes, also known as 1337_h4xX0Rz the orc. “This seemed like the place where most of my friends would be going, and the entire vacation didn’t cost much besides a daily pizza delivery and energy drinks.”

Hanes spent weeks preparing for the long session. While roommates went to the gym, Hanes stayed at the computer and practiced curling and stretching his fingers to combat the onset of carpal tunnel. When the day arrived, the room was stocked with enough supplies for one to survive an entire week without leaving for a minute. Hanes even placed a second monitor in the bathroom and used wireless headphones to keep up with the play by play action.

“We did what anyone else would do during spring break,” said Hanes. He and friends lounged on the beaches of Westfall, taking in the virtual sun. At sunset, they roasted a quillboar over a campfire and had a WoW luau. Drugs even found their way into a virtual spring break experience, as many users smoked dwarf and milds over a good beer.

Yes, there was the drama of young romance in the WoW. Who says characters can’t hook up? Hanes set up a private channel on his voice communication server with a girl from Cal Tech, with whom he exchanged sweet nothings while strolling along through the forest, sharing many a \kiss or \hug. “Admittedly, a male orc doing it to a female gnome was not that appealing, but we’ve all made bad judgment calls during spring break; what happens at Westfall stays at Westfall.”

Like all good things, spring break in the WoW had to come to an end. Hanes only escaped prosecution for /slapping a city guard due to a reality feature that only allows authorities to hurt characters with darker skin-graphics. In the end, Hanes’ only regret was that he missed the “K3Wl” circus in the Western Plaguelands, which he hopes to catch next year.