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The Signs of the Apocalypse Issue
March 2007

newsbriefs
point/counterpoint
point
Please, Sir, may I have some more?
counter
I think I might just sell you into slavery
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Reasons for believing we are, in fact, no longer in Kansas

  1. Munchkins (60.3%)
  2. A mountain (4%)
  3. A sign indicating otherwise (18%)
  4. A beach (3%)
  5. An old Kucinich sticker (5%)
  6. Culture (10.7%)

March, 2007 ~ Volume 7, Issue 5

You may have noticed the four horsemen of the apocalypse being swiped into Lenoir on the cover. See what happened was: the world was ending - the earth was cracking open, buildings were falling, people were getting raptured, silly string made a comeback, it was crazy. But it was also the horsemen’s first day on the job, and, frankly, they had been in better shape 2,000 years ago. Needless to say, after a long day of apocalypsing, they were feeling quite peckish. So they figured, instead of waiting until they got all the way back to hell before they ate, they could just swing by Top of Lenoir on the way to the underworld. Pestilence had some extra meals and, they concurred, the food tastes like death anyway.


Succor for Suckers

“you brought all these people here to break up with me?”
intro Brittney Spears, after having shaved herself bald during a bout of the crazies.

Maybe it’s the post-holiday blues. Maybe it’s the sudden twenty-degree shifts in temperature. Maybe it’s the frangible Wii bracelets. Whatever the cause, there’s been a palpable tension in the air of late, which has already proven itself too much for some to handle. But have no fear. We at BoUNCe have taken it upon ourselves to bring peace and comfort to our fellow students in these uncertain times. That’s what we’re here for. In your fitful, nightmarish slumber, we’re your warm, scratchy, polyurethane blanket. In your moment of public humiliation, we’re the a cappella group partially blocking the view of one of the many cameras circling around you. In your crusade against lice, or whatever, we’re your shears. Or buybritneyshair.com. We haven’t decided. Indeed, we hope you find solace in these warm, inviting, therapeutic pages. This month, we’ve got Duke getting besieged by Scandinavian warriors, breaking news about UNC Hospitals’ new kidney distribution system, and even some insight into the creative process of the show Lost.