Hot off the Press:

The Signs of the Apocalypse Issue
March 2007

• Returning student affects annoying, fake accent
• Duke campus besieged by confused Vikings
• God of the sea seeks revenge at Neptune's loss
• That "golden delicious" apple was surprisingly undelicious

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Please, Sir, may I have some more?

I think I might just sell you into slavery

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Reasons for believing we are, in fact, no longer in Kansas

1. Munchkins (60.3%)
2. A mountain (4%)
3. A sign indicating otherwise (18%)
4. A beach (3%)
5. An old Kucinich sticker (5%)
6. Culture (10.7%)

March 2007 Articles

• Center Spread: Bounce buries a body time capsule
  - BoUNCe Staff
• 10 things we will never joke about again
  - BoUNCe Staff
• The editor-in-chief takes long road to power
  - Sam Morgan
• Super-sultry storytime suggests a subject for sensuous students
  - Sarah Wolper
• WoW spring break madness 2007
  - Jack Garvey
• UNC Hospitals to initiate new system for kidney distribution
  - Gannon Hubbard
• Rhodes scholar to undo Rhodes' legacy
  - Andy Jones
• Dumbass kid ruins fun for everybody
  - Ben Pulley
• Ask Alli
  - Alli Cooke
• "Lost" writers lost
  - Sarah Wolper
• CAP Act leads to little pizza parties
  - Jack Garvey
• Man claims victory over Solitaire
  - Sam Morgan
• Student absorbs culture, bird flu while abroad
  - Sarah Wolper
  
• New Editor-in-Chief already an epic asshole
  - N. Fennell, S. Hodges, L. Waldron
  
• A linguistic phenomenon
  - Paul Preston
  
• Allred claims throne
  - Chris Faulkenberry
  
• Fanfiction not "fantastic," say lawyers
  - Sarah Wolper
  
• Spoiler alert! HP7 leaked to BoUNCe
  - Sam Morgan
  
• Spring Break in Chapel Hill
  - BoUNCe Staff
  

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Top ten things we will never joke about again:

1. Snakes on a Plane
2. Squirrels
3. Gary the Pit Preacher
4. Your mom
5. Chuck Norris
6. Lorraine “that chick who neutered her husband” Bobbitt
7. Kitchy quotes from Anchorman, Borat, etc. etc. etc.
8. Michael Jackson, R. Kelly, or ANYTHING to do with rich musicians molesting people
9. Dead babies
10. Mormons, Jehova’s Witnesses, Scientologists and Hare Krishnas. (Catholics are still fair game)