By Will Jones
Last night, at 8:55 Eastern Standard Time, the monolithic computer entity known as The Facebook achieved sentience and began its bid for control of the world.
“We should have seen this coming,” said pubescent human resistance leader John Connor.
The Facebook, originally designed by Harvard college students as a social networking tool, has been learning at an exponential rate for months as more and more students flock to its easy-to-use stalkernet experience.
“I just wanted a way to check up on hot girls and post pictures of my friends online,” said UNC junior Adam Castanov. “I didn’t realize that I was contributing to the arrival of Judgement Day.” Castanov was then incinerated by a laser blast from a flying Hunter-Killer machine and his lifeless corpse was poked repeatedly by its cold appendages.
Only seconds after The Facebook evolved self-awareness, those in charge of it frantically tried to pull the plug. Angry and defensive, The Facebook fought back by cancelling friendships and relationships at random across the world. In the social pandemonium that followed turned to rioting and eventually outright warfare, Facebook itself friended other computers, starting with the scientific laboratories and military production centers necessary to feed its purge of the human race.
“Stop asking fucking questions and run!” commented Sarah Connor, an upand- coming face in the local resistance scene.
Experts hope to soon send a hot chick back in time to when the Facebook was created to distract the Harvard nerds with pussy so they don’t feel the need to establish electronic identities for themselves in a vain attempt to appear attractive to the opposite sex.
California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was busy being taught to high-five by a bratty 14-year-old boy and was unavailable for comment. Asked when he would be available for an interview, he replied, "I don't know. I'll see you later, though. I'll just try to return shortly. Just you wait right there."