By Paul Preston
In a bold move resulting
from an increasingly inadequate
budget, the Campus
Y, a long-time charitable
provider of various volunteer
opportunities, was forced Wednesday
to combine two of its programs: the Big
Brother youth mentorship initiative and
the "Taking the Facts Painlessly, Even if
this is Your First Time" sexual education
course. The fusion resulted in an organization
committed to providing one-onone
sex education to underprivileged and
minority youths. While it solved the budget
problem, it raised issues by changing
the skill set required of potential mentors,
so that all must be good with children,
responsible, non-judgmental, comfortable
with their own bodies, and capable
of locating the G-spot.
The new program has gotten mixed reviews. On one hand, supporters have echoed the sentiments of mentor Lauren Anderson, who told reporters, “It’s just good to know that we’re out there making a difference. These kids don’t have anyone else, and it’s up to us to show them the ropes. I’ve had so much fun with these guys, going to the park, the ice cream store, downtown with them, downtown on them…”
Nevertheless, the program has met with criticism both from family values groups, who denounce volunteers for promoting promiscuity and corrupting innocent youths, and sexual equality advocates, who object to the organization’s tendency to pair ugly dudes with hot chicks even more frequently than UNC’s male-female ratio would render appropriate. However, all organized protests held in the pit last week were quickly disbanded when several big sisters unleashed their little brothers to “practice.”
Another organization that is less easily intimidated and possibly the strongest opponents of the new group, a fusion between a group dedicated to ending violence against women and an ethnocentric hate-advocacy group, is called the “White Ribbon Supremacists.”