By John Musci
Last Saturday night, senior political science major Gary Macy told a joke that landed him in the emergency room at UNC Hospitals.
Finding himself in the presence of a new crowd, Macy decided to tell "the one about the duck and the grapes." Despite the pleadings of his friends, who had already heard the gag, Macy proceeded to tell it anyway. The joke was violently received.
"I was like 'Is that it? Got any grapes?' What the hell kind of punch line is that?'" said Clyde Blanche, who admitted to jabbing Macy in the spleen upon the conclusion of the joke.
Gregory Perk, friend of Macy said, "I flat out told him not to make that joke anymore. It's just not funny. I wouldn't be surprised if God killed a kitten every time he told it."
The premise of the joke is a mallard walking into a hardware store and inquiring whether or not the cashier was in possession of any grapes. The cashier rebuffs him, growing more irate with each visit. This happens several times until the cashier finally threatens to nail the duck's bill to the counter if he requests grapes again. The punch line comes when the duck returns to the store and asks for nails, to which the cashier replies that the store is unfortunately out of them. Thus, with the danger of having his bill nailed to the counter nullified, the duck proceeds to say, "Got any grapes?"
"I smirked after Gary told the joke, and I gave him a friendly shot to the arm," said Doug Hantke, "and then I gave him another, and another, and then things kind of got out of hand…"
ER surgeon Noah Carter, M.D said, "He's lucky to have pulled through. We got a kid in here last week who tried the whole 'What's brown and sticky?' routine. I had to reattach both retinas and remove his testicles from his nose. Oh, the answer is 'a stick' by the way."
Macy, who was admitted to the emergency room for cigarette burns, tomato seed inhalation, and prostate cancer, is now in stable condition at UNC Hospitals.