By Kimmee Frankenfield
To save time, insert as many annoying acronyms as you can, including, but not limited to: jk, lol, rofl, lylas, ttyl, scuba, ymimh (Your mom is my ho).
Create a mini-shrine to your significant other. Use "I love you forever and ever" often and please be sure to include lots of pet names and emoticons. There seems to be a mathematic relation in which the number of pet names and "forever and ever's in your profile is directly proportional to the imminent demise of the relationship in the near future.
Bible verses. Lots of them. Condemn gays, Jews, sluts, alcoholics, liberals, whatever you want. Just make sure to glorify yourself in all your righteousness.
Any assortment of Greek letters. No one else understands what the damn things mean, anyway. We're not Greek, so make up some new ones!
Spell words incorrectly to be "cute," or screw up the use of "your" and "you're." Seriously, this is a real opportunity for you to broadcast your adorable nature in all its glory!
Include gooey song lyrics that even the person at which you are directing these lyrics doesn't understand.
Put the "Facebook Me!" link in your profile. It makes you look super-fly, and everyone will want to be your friend.
Quote yourself as often as you feel your personal genius allows. Then, put your quote next to idiots like Sun Tzu and Confucius.
Once you think you've perfected your worst profile, never change it. You can annoy the people that read your profile daily by never switching things up. It works, I swear.