By Chris Jochem
Dear Ramshead,
I'm sorry I haven't been returning your calls lately, that I've deleted your messages and blocked your screenname (all of them) on Instant Messenger. I know I really shouldn't be doing this in a letter, but I don't know of any other way.
I don't want to hurt you, but I've found someone else that I'd rather be with. It's me, not you. Yes, you've probably already guessed it by now- it's Lenoir again. I know I promised you it was over between me and Lenoir, but I just can't let go. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I mean it, it's for good this time.
It's not the food. Don't get me wrong, it's been great for me, and you're really amazing. My appetite can barely keep up with you. It's just that you don't have time for me anymore. There are always tons of people when I come over, and I have to walk around to find seats and wait in lines. You run out of food and seats, you don't cook chicken for me anymore and I just don't feel like you can give me the attention I deserve.
I also heard from Subway that you and Alpine Bagel got drunk and were flirting at her party. I'm a pretty laid-back guy and normally I don't obsess about this kind of stuff, but that's just too much for me.
I don't need gimmicky arcades or beerless sports bar atmospheres. It's what's inside that counts, and I just don't feel it when I'm with you - something deep inside me -like when I'm with Lenoir. Yes, she's older, but she's more experienced. But I will admit that I'm always going to miss that big jukebox you have.
Lenoir has always been a part of my life, and I just think we're more compatible. She's even willing to make time for me now on the weekends, too.
Last year was great, I mean, it was so exciting to be caught up in a new love. But I'm afraid that's all it was - a new love. A spring fling. Infatuation. I was looking for something to cling to when I lost Vel. But what I need is someone who can support me and grow with me.
And let's be honest with each other. We both knew this long-distance thing wasn't going to work, right? I mean, I'm on North Campus now, and you're all the way across South Road. Don't worry; you're still young, and there are lots of hungry students out there. But I just need to do this. I'm doing this for us.
Your friend,
Chris