Congress Is Adjourned
By Bradley Devereaux

Distinguished colleagues, I would like to congratulate you on the fine work you have done today. I know the good people from across the aisle would agree with me when I say that we have accomplished no small task here. Truth, justice, and the American way have been preserved now that we have taken decisive action.

Since the founding of our nation, many great men have stood here in this very hall, sitting in these very chairs. I would like to thank each of you personally for your dedicated and distinguished service to your state and country. It is, by no means, an easy feat working for congress, yet we all do it, without fail, every day without so much as a groan. Though I must admit, even I stare at the clock wondering when we can adjourn.

Well wait no longer, my friends. Since we are done with the current business of our great nation, I have no choice but to exercise my constitutionally enumerated power. Therefore, I hereby decree, congress is adjourned.

Sexual Congress Is Adjourned
By Barry Heskamp

Oh yea, I could go all night. There is no stopping me. Baby, I want to make sweet sweet love you until the sun comes up. Sexual Congress is adjourned when I say so, baby. And only when I say so. I took my ginseng. I've been working on my cardio. You're going to be riding the pleasure train to Loveslyvania making stops at Orgasm Junction and OMG-it-feels-so-good-when-you-are-inside-me-burg. Baby, I'm so glad I found you. I don't know where I would be if I didn't have you.

We are gonna do it all night because I can't stop loving you. I love the smell of your hair. Other guys can't go long enough to please an experienced woman such as yourself. Wait, that didn't come out right. Are you ready to go upstairs?

Let's get down to business. Oh, yea, oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh. I aint gonna quit. Oh yea, can you feel that? Oh Oh OH OH OH OH NO NOT NOW! AHHhhhhhh. Oops, sorry about that. Just give me 15 minutes. ZZZZZzzzzzzz.