DEAR ALLI,
Is it true we should always respect those who are older than us?
-Always Polite
French Lick, Indiana

Always Polite,
You stupid whore. Since when is the simple fact that someone was born before you give him or her automatic value? "Wow, your parents had intercourse before mine did. I really respect the hell out of you." I've noticed that people who say this the most are the ones who have done absolutely nothing notable with their lives.
Hey, here's an idea, how about you pull your head out of your own fucking ass and contribute to society with something worth mentioning other than your gigantic hemorrhoids, aching joints and goddamn Life Alert commercials at 2 AM on Comedy Central (way to spot your target audience, by the way, assholes.)
Love Always, XOXOXO