By Kelly Cadilla
A new student exchange program is set to begin next year that will finally allow American anorexic students to have a use in modern society. Anorexic students all over the US will find their wildest dreams coming true by living in third world countries where they won't have societal pressures, or even the means, to eat food, while their exchange student counterparts will be relocated to fatter, wealthier Western countries for advanced study and emergency nourishment.
"The new anorexic student exchange program has the ability to affect the lives of millions," said study abroad advisor Peter Coghencogh.
It seems that according to this new program, humans are actually starting to benefit from both worlds. Liza Donerfield, an 85-pound UNC junior said, "I can't wait to go to Ethiopia to starve in a supportive community! I think it will be so much easier to be anorexic in a place where people don't look at me weird because I'm so skinny. I'll finally feel like I fit in!"
An anonymous anorexic stated, "It's a girl's biggest dream! I'll finally be able to get skinny, and I'll have people all around me who will know how hard it is to be skeletally thin. And on top of it all, I can even get a tan!"
UN leaders and many other prestigious political do-gooder people believe this creative thinking is just what humanity needs. UN Secretary General Kofi Annan commented, "Sometimes people can be so negative towards diseases that they just don't understand. Here is what seems to be the perfect solution: let the anorexics not eat their cake and help the starving people too!"
Junior Biology major Jenni Zu put the icing on the nonexistent cake: "Sign me up!"