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The Labrynth of Ultimate Despair Issue
October 2006

I hope my mom doesn't catch me cybering

I hope my son doesn't catch me cybering

What happened to the Pie Chart?

Replaced with a younger, sexier chart
Avogadro's chart more visually appealing
Vegas vacation with Venn diagram
Jason Biggs
We just got hungry

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October 2006 - Volume 7, Issue 2
Apologies go out to Hannah Easley, who created our wonderful cover last issue, and who also created the wonderful cover this issue. In all the fuss of the redesign, we completely forgot to add the credits for the cover to our staff box last month. You’re wonderful.
So, on to it then. This is the Labyrinth issue, named partly for our centerspread, an adventurous foray into a corn maize, and partly for our attempts to find our way home after a long night of hard drinking. We’ve got Oedipal cybersex, a response to old people life advice, a bionic hobo, study abroad for anorexics, and, of course, slutty Halloween costumes. We’d never leave out slutty Halloween costumes. And on Halloween, as you count down the hours until the booze starts flowing, remember, it’s 5’oclock somewhere.

A Halloween Tale of Horror (in 3 paragraphs or less)

“...the stench of mildew emanates from the wet dungeon walls...” When we last left our heroes, Brenda had finally revealed the dark secret of her tortured past to her brand new fiance. Nigel had long suspected it had something to do with the old Balston place, but nothing could have prepared him for the horrors that lurked in the recesses of his partner’s twisted mind. Police reports indicated that a man matching his description had been seen racing toward the decrepit building in a furious rage, shoving old ladies into oncoming traffic and kicking baby strollers down long hills on crowded sidewalks. During rush hour.
Meanwhile, Jason and Francis had just hit a baseball into the window of a nearby spooky old mansion, complete with a rotten wooden mailbox on which was scrawled the name “Balston” in dripping, crimson paint. It was the boys’ only ball, so they decided to look inside. Battered suits of armor and ancient paintings made the house look more like a museum than a dwelling place. Jason had just finished lighting a candlestick when the doors slammed shut with a deafening noise, and the muffled clomp of footsteps could be heard from somewhere upstairs, slowly getting louder as they approached. A sudden gust of wind blew the candlestick out, causing Francis to cry like a girl. We left a stack of BoUNCe magazines outside the door of the old Balston place, and tossed a few into the windows, and we’re confident all will end happily ever after. The end.

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