Britney Spears loses childrem

By Katie Keenan
Britney

On October 1, Britney Spears once again lost custody of her children to Kevin Federline, her one-time rapper husband. However, by the time Federline materialized to pick them up, Spears had difficulty locating them.

"I left Sean and Jayden alone for two minutes while I left to buy some cocai – I mean groceries – and as soon as I got back, they were gone!" Britney explained to the police. A search began immediately. Officer Paul Denton inquired as to "where she last saw them," while officer Jeff Figgins asked if she had "checked in the sofa." It was at this point Spears showed signs of shock as she had been sitting on her sofa eating fried chicken, a half gallon of Haagan-Dazs cinnamon dulce de leche ice cream, a biscuit with gravy, an entire box of Reduced Fat Wheat Thins, and a handful of green grapes during the police search. She confirmed that they might indeed be in the couch because, due to their family's recent money troubles, Sean and Jayden have taken to searching for extra change under the cushions. However, a search of the couch was fruitless.

"I can't believe that coochflasher lost my kids!" exclaimed Sean and Jayden's baby daddy, wearing a wife-beater, a plethora of gold chains, and a fedora. He then promptly called his lyricist to start production for his new rap song, "Where Mah Kidz At?" On an unrelated note, Federline's new album, Bitches Ain't Shit But Kidz Moms, will be released in stores November 1, just in case anybody missed the news.

So far the search team has looked in the kitchen cabinets, in Britney's pockets, in their own pockets, under the bed, in Britney's $500,000 pool in Malibu, and Angelina Jolie's house just to make sure she didn't adopt them. The most recent location that has occurred to investigators as a possibility is Britney's car. "People lose stuff in the car all the time," said Denton. "I just hope to God she left the windows cracked."