Chaucer code finally deciphered

By Benjamin Ossof
Chaucer Code

The search is finally over for the holy grail of all Chaucerian scholarship. An article published this week in what is destined to be the last issue of the Chaucer Review has once and for all revealed the hidden message of The Canterbury Tales. For centuries, scholars of medieval English literature around the world have been searching for this secret. Many papers and books on the subject have been published and many debates have raged— all of them finally put to rest with the recent revelation.

Ulysses Malden, professor longevitus of Medieval Studies at the University of Pennsylvania, is the man responsible for cracking the Chaucer Code. He has demonstrated that when every fifth word of the great work is read in a mirror in alternation with every third word of Troilus and Criseyde, it reveals that Chaucer did, in fact, not only have foreknowledge of King Richard III's defeat at Bosworth Field, but also a passing understanding of nuclear physics.

The revelation has been received with a mixture of feelings in academia. "On one hand it's a great relief to finally have the answer," said Professor Quinn of Oxford University, "on the other hand, I feel as though the last twenty years of my life have been wasted. I had been searching for the message by translating every fourth word of the 'Wife of Bath's Prologue' into Latin, every third into Greek, and the others into Old French. Of course, now the answer seems obvious, but it doesn't bring back all the time we've wasted."

Interest in the topic of the Chaucerian hidden messages began with rumors in the 19th century, speculating that The Canterbury Tales had to be more than entertaining and insightful stories into the world of 14th century Britain. Now that the secret's out, scholars have begun their search for a new field of research to fill the void. Research topics have shifted to diverse areas including whether John Donne's poetry gives any evidence as to whether his secret sister-in-law was a lesbian. The future of medieval literature debate is uncertain, but the debut issue of the "Lez-Donne Review" is due out next month.