October, 2007 ~ Volume 8, Issue 2

A note on the back page:
We know how hard it is to come up with a good Halloween costume, and how important it is that said costume be scary. So, to atone for all its sins described in lurid detail above, BoUNCe presents to you in this issue the scariest costume it could think of. Go on, take it. It's a peace offering.


On a dark and stormy night, last Tuesday...

intro It's behind you!

BoUNCe went down to HoJo to beat some freshmen at Halo 3. After losing miserably - we're blaming its lack of opposable thumbs - our hero went to go sulk in the basement, whereupon it stumbled into some kind of ooze, presumably the distillate of 40 years worth of freshmennery and poor sanitation.

This splooze (as we've come to refer to it), composed of skunky beer, marijuana resin, asbestos, and used condoms, instantly began to corrupt the poor magazine's genetic code. It became sensitive to light and was forced to lurk around in dark corners and only venture outside after sunset. It was hideous, and when it worked up the courage to seek assistance from friends and medical professionals who it hoped could help remedy or at least explain its peculiar and unfortunate condition, they all just ran away screaming, appalled by the strange, guttural sounds it made, its unsteady, lunging gait, and its poor complexion. Basically, they treated it like a drunk freshman.

Soon, it realized it was a monster and began to act accordingly. If some party-goers happened to walk past a dark corner it was lurking in, it killed them. If it stumbled across a vulnerable-looking woman from the '50s, it abducted her.

By the time it came to its sense, our baby had done quite a few things it's not proud of. But who really is to blame here? After all, BoUNCe wasn't the one that left a giant pool of a substance capable of modifying something's genetic code in its basement. We're just saying.

We don't want to spoil the ending, but it's a metaphor. You've done this to yourselves. You're the monster. Now, please let us out of these handcuffs.