Driver hits student, leaves note

By Sarah Hodges
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University student David Graham was biking to class early Wednesday morning when he crossed the path of a car running a stop sign. Despite the presence of reflectors on his spokes and the desperate ringing of his handlebar bell, he became the victim of a head-on collision. What onlookers described as a malicious hit-and-run, driver Dan Ferman saw differently.

“I had a big presentation that morning and was in a hurry. I couldn’t just wait around for the owners to show up, so I left a note,” said Ferman, “I even put my real phone number on there and they’re still calling me irresponsible?”

“While leaving a note with contact information tucked under the windshield wipers of a car is a fine way to deal with scratching another vehicle, Ferman’s employment of this method was not the ideal way to handle hitting a biker,” warned officer Brad Hill. While campus safety tracked down Ferman by his insurance information, representatives from the Yield to Heels campaign attempted to use the unconscious Graham to warn passersby about the imminent peril involved in crossing the street.

“Students all crowd around an injured classmate like a preacher in the pit,” commented campaigner Jessie White, “but they are overwhelmed with the amount of flyers on campus. If only Ferman had been aware of this, he may have sent his victim a Facebook message instead of just leaving another piece of paper crushed in her pocket.”

“So, you bump him a little, leave a scratch,” said Mr. Graham, who flew into town with his wife to take care of their son, “I’ll give you a note in that situation. A head-on collision, though? Witnesses said he went flying through the air. Just like in the movies. Man, I wish I had been there to see that…” “The damage was worse than we had initially thought,” commented Mrs. Graham. “We’ve been to three different hospitals for estimates, but they are all so expensive. We might just trade him in for one of those newer Chinese orphan models. I hear they’re all the rage these days.”