Critics pan new bin Laden film

By Benjamin Ossoff

Though hailed by President George W. Bush as “a reminder of the dangerous world in which we live,” the new video by Sunni superstar Osama bin Laden has received less than rave reviews from international critics. Specifically, critics were put off by the terrorist’s pseudo-pacifistic tone and cheap attempts to make up for the message’s faults with a dyed beard.

“It was a huge disappointment,” lamented reviewer Ed Sheffield, “The new film lacked all traces of the zeal and fire of his early works which spoke of death, destruction, and upheaval on a massive scale and in a way that truly terrified and enthralled us. It’s a typical case of a director trying to be ‘creative’ and ‘original’ by sacrificing the elements that attracted viewers in the first place. All we got from him this time was lame-o political ranting and demands for our conversion. If I’d wanted that I could have just watched The 700 Club.”

It isn’t just the change of tone that’s led to the jihadist’s big flop. A growing number of younger radicals are demanding more bang for their buck in propaganda films, and the new video with its total lack of direct threats doesn’t seem able to compete with the more graphic and bloody fare of amateur terror cells.

Bin Laden had clearly not forgotten the need to stepup the visual appeal of his films. However, his efforts in that area were deemed lack-luster as he did little more than dye his beard.

“It was the Star Wars prequels all over again,” said another reviewer, “We’d waited a long time for a new film from the super-star of the angry- radical genre, and what we got is a catastrophe— lacking the classic threats and angry rhetoric that made him famous and employing an incompetent director who felt he could just gloss it over with a better wardrobe and some Just For Men.”

Most have ignored government accusations that critics are “missing the point.” Disappointment was evident as hateful posts on forums forced al-Qaeda to close its website. At least one reviewer was not disappointed, however. Roger Ebert gave the latest film “Two Thumbs Up!”