Freshman misled by local business name, brunch with parents “uncomfortable”

By Will Niver
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For first-year student Amy Ross, Sunday brunch backfired with a kinky vengeance.

Misled by local sex shop Cherry Pie’s unassuming name, she took her parents to the adult boutique for what was supposed to be a wholesome family venture off-campus.

“We were just… shocked,” Ross said, fighting back tears. Ross, a Robertson Scholar from Dallas, Texas, was a member of her high school’s True Love Waits club and an active member of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. She also volunteered at a local dog pound, where she nursed abandoned pets back to health.

“I… I just… I’m so confused,” Ross sobbed, unable to continue. Cherry Pie, opened in 2005, has been voted the “Best Place to Buy Sex Toys” by The Independent Weekly. Store owners pride themselves on the area’s unmatched selection of intimate lubricants, costumes and party supplies.

“But we’re not a restaurant,” manager Sky Bennett warned. “Unless you count the candy underwear. That’s some fine cuisine for you.” Ross’s parents, however, took the mistake in stride, leading a distraught Amy back to the car before returning to browse the DVD rack.

“I told you visiting Amy’s college would make us feel young again,” said Mary Ross, picking up a copy of “Ultra Kinky #79 – Bowlin’ in Her Colon.” Husband Greg Ross agreed, hurriedly paying for a copy of “Moulin Splooge” and racing back to the car.