English 11.67
Concluding Writing Exercise:
Paragraph Organization, Concision & Active Voice

Look over the image below and the related ideas I've listed. Reorganize and then pack all of the claims and supporting evidence into a single paragraph. Use as few words as possible as you generate your own sentences. Some of these ideas might appear in your paragraph as only an adjective or prepositional phrase, but every single word in red should be somehow present (feel free to change verb tense). I recommend copying the list of ideas below into your Word document, and changing the color of each ideas as you use it . . .

After constructing the paragraph, go back to its beginning and add a topic sentence that provides meaning/significance for all these details, a sentence which anticipates the direction which will be taken by that paragraph.

Check your work for active voice.

Provide as intuitive and logical an ordering of these ideas as possible, and do so in the least amount of space. After you have finished, do an automatic word count to see how few words you used.

• Sean Cassidy's superhero name is Banshee
• Sean appears here in the role of teacher to a younger student
• Sean has books on French, German, Swedish, Latin and presumably a number of other languages.
• Sean is trying to figure out what language a new, silent student speaks
• Sean is depicted sitting in a forest.
• The scene is rather idyllic and peaceful.
• Butterflies are fluttering about.
• Sean's posture appears relaxed
• Sean's wearing jeans and a casual shirt
• The wind blows through Sean's reddish hair
• Sean's words to Penance (the silent student sitting in the tree above him, out of frame) suggest he is very patient.
• The word bubbles tell us Banshee has lived a varied life as superhero, cop, and interpol agent.
• Banshee's super power is a powerful sonic scream
• Sean appears her with well-muscled limbs, large hands, and chiseled facial features.
• The green but slightly yellow leaves suggest it is early autumn.

Paul Marchbanks
marchban@email.unc.edu