Motherhood
Why society needs to reevaluate its views on humanity’s most loving relationship.
Nancy DeMaria
December 2006
Last year on the front page of the New York Times, an article appeared that ruffled a few university feminist feathers. “Many Women at Elite Colleges Set Career Path to Motherhood,” by Louise Story, summarized a survey of 183 Yale undergraduates and found that many women that were prepped precisely for high-powered jobs were instead turning towards careers as homemakers.
There is no doubt there were several flaws in the study. Participants were not randomly selected, experimental method was not exact, and one could easily gather that the survey was being conducted by a journalist, not by a scientist. Nevertheless, the cases presented in this article are interesting enough to lead one to wonder similarly, “What is the outlook towards motherhood among our peers here at UNC?” Do the views of our younger generation indicate a promising future for the preservation of healthy women, children, and families? Or instead, has a culture of death pervaded society so deeply that the least we can hope for is that children who escape the abortionist’s forceps will be only sentenced to the daycare?
Megan Rolfe, an executive member of UNC’s chapter of Choice USA, feels that motherhood is not valued enough in American society.
“I don’t know of a more difficult job than motherhood, but nor can I think of one more deeply rewarding,” Rolfe said. “My mother felt it was very important to stay at home when my sister and I were younger, and I credit her feminism as the primary inspiration for my feminist activism now.”
This opinion is also echoed by leaders on the more conservative side of women’s issues. Ashley Tyndall, current president of the pro-life student group, Carolina Students for Life, commented that we should recognize motherhood as an extremely important job, but one that is unfortunately devalued in society.
Jenny Stevens, president of Conservative Women’s Voice, believes that, “A child’s mother is meant to be the pillar of that child’s progression through life. She is supposed to teach and care for that child and it takes a great deal to be a good mother.”
All three of these student leaders agreed that if forced to choose between having a family and having a career, they would choose their families. They also felt that, ideally, a woman should be able to balance both of these aspirations.
These women are educated in a premier university and have made excellent decisions in life that contribute to well thought-out plans for family. However, as another student leader pointed out, not all women are in such a fortunate situation or have made such smart decisions. Nora Anderson, co-chair of Choice USA, objected to the very premise of the question when asked, “Would you plan to become a mother if it meant sacrificing your career?”
“The question assumes that a woman has the ability to plan when and if she will become pregnant,” Anderson said.
Yet it seems that most women do indeed make plans to become or not become pregnant, by virtue of the widespread availability of birth control, abortion, and abortofacients, although members of Choice USA may disagree. In America, over 93 % of all abortions are performed as a form of birth control, and one-third of our generation was aborted. Furthermore, the aborted child is not the only victim; the mother is forever changed by the awful experience.
For example, according to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, child abuse has increased a whopping 6,000 percent since the legalization of abortion. It is noted that feelings of guilt and loss of self-esteem after an abortion contribute to the severe emotional distress that can lead to child abuse. In essence, the legalization of abortion is one aspect of American society that has led to the denigration of motherhood.
Nevertheless, the blame for the atrocity of abortion and devaluing of motherhood does not fall solely on the woman. As Anderson noted, “The millions of single mothers in the world do not have the choice to ‘sacrifice’ their careers for the sake of their children.”
In 2004, 1.5 million babies were born out of wedlock. For many, but not all, of these births, the father has neglected his responsibility to father the child. The path to abortion is evidence of irresponsibility that also leads to the degradation of motherhood.
However, the cause and origin of irresponsibility among parents is debatable. In a letter to the editor in The Daily Tar Heel on Oct. 11, Elizabeth Freeman claimed that instead of real genetic differences between the sexes, it is the attitudes instilled in men by society that cause them to feel a sense of entitlement. According to Freeman, these illusions of grandeur negatively impact their interactions with others in business, education, and even in relationships. In an attempt to elaborate on this issue, Travis Starkey stated in a letter to the editor, “Men, trained to be dominant leaders, and women, trained to be submissive caretakers, will never see eye-to-eye until our society begins to expect equal levels of success and respect for both groups.”
Arguments that point to purely sociological reasons of inequality do not grasp the deeper nature of motherhood. Concerning roles for women and men, “different” does not necessarily mean “unequal”. Starkey laments that some overachieving women are made to “ultimately give up promising careers in favor of becoming homemakers, while their husbands never experience such an expectation.” Whether we like it or not, intrinsic in female biology is the ability to have children. Because of this fact, it is impossible to compare the joys of raising children to achievements in the business world.
Motherhood is an integral part of true feminism. As Ashley Tyndall points out, “Feminism is supposed to be about equal rights and choice. However, modern feminism seems to have been high-jacked and is operating under the assumption that women can only achieve equality be acting like men.”
Instead, women should be proud of the ability to have children.
Motherhood does not impede feminist progress, and there are men at UNC who agree.
“Some feminists complain of the restrictive nature of society, which coerces women into certain roles in society,” said senior Norbie Schickel. “Their disdain for motherhood however, has had the exact same effect, only from a different direction. Those who seek to denigrate the importance of motherhood to suit their political agenda are the true hindrance to progress.”
The good news is that many UNC women and men still sincerely and freely appreciate a woman’s choice to become a mother. Kelly Cranford is a second year dental hygiene student, ready to start her first year next fall. When asked how her career might interfere with having children she responded, “I don’t feel like I would have to sacrifice my career to be a mother. I think that women can adequately balance both being a mother and having a career.”
Heather Rush, a senior planning to get her Master’s in counseling, agreed with these statements.
“For me, motherhood has always been part of my plan for the future, so I think that has prompted me to choose a career that I know will be conducive to motherhood in the future,” Rush said. She emphasized that although ingenuity and hard work are necessary in order to be successful in both these endeavors, motherhood is a respectable and valuable goal.
Seniors Nate MacCosbe and Roger Horowitz both agreed they would support the woman in her decisions, if she were forced to choose between her family and career. MacCosbe replied, “I would let my wife decide and I would definitely support her decision to give up her career to have children if that was what was important to her.” Similarly, Horowitz stated, “I think that the decision to have children is up to both of the parents in the relationship and that it is a women's decision whether she would like to keep working or just stay home and take care of the kids. As a father I would have no right to tell the mother what to do.”
Women who are able to stay at home with their children should feel blessed. Educated women of society with a high potential for successful careers should never be made to feel inadequate by their choice to raise a family instead, as if somehow that choice was simply imposed upon them. Reflecting an appreciation for women, senior Will Harrison aptly summarizes this point: “The acceptance of women's roles and choices, regardless of what those are, is important. The women's movement was meant to open new doors, not close old traditional ones that may still be extremely important in our society.”
The role of the mother as the caretaker of her children is an irreplaceable component of American society.