Sample Response

This is a response to an English 11 essay submitted in the fall of 2005.

Hi, thanks for your submission. My name is Lee and I'll be working with you this evening. Before I start giving you feedback on your essay, I just wanted to double check something. I noticed that the essay instructions seem to be asking you to compare EITHER the Cuomo speech OR the Jordan speech with the King speech? Is this right? It seems that in your essay you compare the Cuomo with the Jordan. I'm not sure how significant this is, but you might want to double check it.

Okay, I'm back from reading your essay. You have done some really good analysis in your examples. I liked the way that you used the textual evidence and then explained what each quote meant. However, as a reader, I felt like I was missing your overall argument. You have drawn several comparisons between Cuomo and Jordan, though you don't seem to bring them together. You mention that, first, they both use sarcasm. And second, they both use distinct word choices. But I felt like I was sort of still wondering how these strategies helped each speaker achieve a successful speech. This is the question that I found myself wanted to know the answer to. You mentioned that you were confused about the strategies. You might make a list of the various kinds of rhetorical/speech strategies and then write out examples from each speech that fits under each strategy. Does each speech use the same kind of strategy? Or do they use different strategies? Why is each speaker (do you think) using a particular strategy? What is the goal of the speech/speaker? These are just some questions to think about after you make out a list of strategies with evidence.

I also thought you had a pretty good working thesis, in that you straightforwardly tell me (the reader) some of the points of comparison between each speech, but I still found that I wasn't sure exactly what your argument is. Your thesis seems to be: "Mario Cuomo's 'A Tale of Two Cities' and Barbara Jordan's speech on the articles of impeachment, both use effective word choice, sarcasm and even though the speeches are on totally different topics." After reading your thesis, I asked myself: "I wonder what the two topics of each speech were. . .and why did each speaker use these particular strategies in his/her speech?" Usually it's better to have a specific argument and one that details where you are going to go in a paper, rather than leave certain details left unknown. For me, I wanted to know what the speeches were about. . .and why each speaker used the strategies he/she did in order to accomplish a successful speech.

Unfortunately, I am out of time. I think one of the most helpful things to do would be to try making a list of strategies and evidence that each speech contains. This will give you a visual mapping of how the speeches might be similar and different in their use of strategies. Best of luck with your revisions and the end of the semester. Lee